Shalom everyone! This week's parsha is especially moving and dramatic. In it, we see a development of the complex character of Jacob as well as the unfolding of many important events in his life. One event in particular that stands out is one that, with a little bit of delving deep, can apply to all of our lives and that is his wrestling match with the angel.
We find Jacob at the beginning of the parsha preparing to meet his brother, Esau, whom he hasn't seen in many years. The last time he and Esau were together was when they were much younger and it wasn't necessarily the most pleasant experience; Jacob had bought Esau's first born birthright for a bowl of lentil soup and then later took Isaac's blessing for Esau through deceit. At this point in his life, Jacob was much older, having gone through much growth, learning, and hardship. It was years since the events of the past that tore the sibling relationship apart and now, after much time and change, he was going to meet with him again face to face. It was the night before his meeting with Esau; Jacob sent his family ahead of him while he stayed behind to collect up a few things. It is then that without warning, a stranger came and attacked him.
The stranger, according to Jewish tradition, was Esau's guardian angel. The two wrestled all night, tirelessly persisting in the struggle. The angel struck Jacob in the hip, yet Jacob still continued to fight. Once the sun began to rise, the angel told Jacob to let him go, yet Jacob refused to stop fighting unless the angel blessed him. The angel finally granted Jacob his wish saying "No longer shall your name be called Jacob; rather, Israel shall be your name. For you have struggled with G-d and with men, and you have prevailed" (Gen. 32:29) When asked his own name by Jacob, the angel doesn't tell him and then, after this seemingly random conflict, leaves.
It's interesting to note that the angel was Esau's guardian angel. Jacob was incredibly worried for the reunion with Esau; he had prayed to G-d, begging him to have mercy on him and on his family that Esau would not cause them any harm. The fight with the angel was merely an outward manifestation of the larger battle going on within himself. Not only was Jacob struggling with his past, but he was also struggling with himself. We see this reflected in his change of name. A name can have a tremendous amount of meaning in one's identity. Jacob's name in hebrew, Ya'akov, is related to the word eikev, meaning "heel". For all of Jacob's life, he had to deal with the lowest aspects of himself and his surroundings. A heel, which supports the body on top of it, also deals with the mud and the dirt. When Jacob had the name Jacob, he had a tremendous internal support system to get him through some of the lowest, most difficult times of his life. Israel, on the other hand, is a name given to Jacob after he has struggled with G-d and men; he was able to overcome all of his struggles and come out victorious.
How does this apply to our life? When looking back on our lives, it's every easy to see blemishes in our past and to get bogged down by them. We can often get depressed, pushing negative memories further and further back in the recesses of our mind. We turn on ourselves, treating ourselves lower and with more malice than we would our worst enemies. We're hit where it hurts the most, in our foundation. We tell ourselves that we are empty, worthless, nothing. There comes a time, however, when you have to deal with your past, whether it was something bad that you did and now regret, a traumatic experience, or negative character traits. Sometimes we have to go to the lowest points in ourselves, yet it is in these moments that we may also find the most strength to move on. Once we've overcome the struggle and gotten past our weaknesses, it is then that we will have become a new person, one who struggled with G-d (asking as many "hows" and whys" as we can) and with men (our internal demons) and won (at peace with G-d and living a life free of worries and anxieties). We can all fight this fight; if we don't start it now, then sooner or later, it will start up with us. Take the initiative, dig your wells deep, draw up your strength when you need it, and fight your battles wisely. Have a victorious day.
With all my love,
Zach
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